Rooting for team sports can boost testosterone levels—yours as well as hers.

Rooting for team sports can boost testosterone levels—yours as well as hers.

And she wants to meet you. Trouble is, you don’t know where to look

The saddest thing you will ever see in a bar is the lights on at closing time. It’s the moment you realize that albeit you’ve been bankrolling her martinis since midnight, she won’t be going home with you. And why should she? You’re a stranger, and this is just a game. When the filaments flicker on, the fantasy finishes.

“Boys are possessed by the myth of the pickup,” says David Grazian, Ph.D., an associate professor of sociology at the University of Pennsylvania and the author of On the Make: The Hustle of Urban Nightlife. It’s in their goes that these bars and clubs are “teeming with anonymous females who are dying to have hook-up with any man who is certain enough to talk to them.” The reality is that less than 6 percent of women report having had lovemaking with their fucking partners within Two days or less of meeting them, and less than 20 percent of adults say they very first met their most latest sexual fucking partner in a bar. Perhaps it’s the nasty stigma of nightlife: A survey of 1,034 women by StrategyOne, a market research agency, exposes that almost one in four women would be embarrassed to admit that she met a mate in a bar. (But just incase you do take home the woman of your fantasies this weekend, make sure you know how to suck her mind in bed.)

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So why does the alcohol-soaked pick-up scene still exist? Aside from the demonstrable reasons (tequila, vodka, rum), there’s a surprising one as well: inexperience. Studs are fresh to this 21st-century version of the boy-meets-girl game. In 1970, the median age for marriage was 23 for fellows and 21 for women. Today it’s 28 and 26. “It used to be that people felt they’d somehow missed out if they didn’t have a spouse by the time they graduated college,” says David Popenoe, Ph.D., founder and codirector of the National Marriage Project and a professor emeritus of sociology at Rutgers University. “Today, people feel they need to establish themselves economically very first.” The postponement of “I do” means most fellows will be single in their 20s, a trend that populates the bar scene and empties the church aisles.

The real world of dating is rough on guys. The risk and onus of rejection are almost always on them, because fellows initiate about 80 percent of encounters. And the competition is brutal for dudes in their 20s and 30s: For every 100 unmarried women there’s an average of 113 unmarried fellows, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. And those studs just aren’t doing the job. The Pew Research Center found that about half of youthfull singles reported going on no more than one date in the Trio months prior to its survey, and 55 percent of singles who were looking for love said it was hard to meet people.

But the situation doesn’t have to be that bleak. In fact, there’s no better time to be single than during economic uncertainty. A latest eHarmony survey found that one in four single women say that financial stress has enhanced their interest in a relationship. Compare that with the 61 percent of studs who say money worries are causing stress in their love lives. Look at it this way: More women are on the market, and they’re primed to connect. But boys are looking to meet them over $12 martinis—and are going home alone and broke. There’s an opening here for you: Think patterns, not people. Leave behind the pickup lines and rely on the fresh rules of attraction. We can help you with the odds.

Rule 1: Build Your Romantic Network

You’re 227 percent more likely to meet a potential gf through a friend or family member rather than in a bar, at the gym, or on the street.

Malcolm Parks, Ph. D., knows the secret to meeting women: Don’t. Instead, meet people.

Parks, a University of Washington communication researcher and author of Private Relationships &, Private Networks, has determined that 75 percent of the people who dated extensively the year before said they had help from a friend. In their corner is what Parks calls “the social proximity effect,” which holds that the probability of two people meeting is directly proportional to the number of contacts they share. In other words, more friends means more female referrals. “Our research has shown that two-thirds of people who initiate a romantic relationship had met at least one of the dozen or so members of their playmate’s closest social network prior to meeting their part ner for the very first time,” says Parks, “and almost half had met two or three.” If you know Tom, and Tom knows Betty, then there’s a greater chance you’ll meet Betty. And if Tom also knows Susan, Heather, and Kimberly . . . well, then you owe Tom a fruit basket.

The potential is there, but the problem is that most boys’s social networks are too petite or too stale to be effective. The average man would have difficulty mustering enough friends to round out a Fave Five, according to a 2006 survey in American Sociological Review. In fact, our close social networks have shrunk by almost a third since 1985.

But it’s not just the friend famine that’s starving our lovemaking lives. Socially inbred crews are detrimental, too. “In a tightly knit group, you know the same people,” says Parks. “Your friends can’t introduce you to women you don’t already know.” That’s why access to a fresh resource, whether it’s an unadvertised job opening, a lead on a house listing, or an introduction to a woman you might click with, is more likely to come through casual friends than close ones. It’s what social-network theorists call “the strength of feeble ties,” and the greater the number of unique casual connections you have, the better placed you are to benefit. These types of people are essentially network bridges, says Parks. They connect you to women you might not otherwise have met through your close friends. The secret isn’t blind dates and setups, it’s party invites and casual introductions.

The beauty of forging feeble ties is that while others hunt, you gather. To be successful, you need to continually meet fresh people outside your existing circles in order to find quantity and diversity in fresh links. All connections have potential. For example, you may have written off the dude with a wifey or live-in gf, but he’s the money ball. According to a 2003 examine in Social Networks, dating couples share 20 percent to 25 percent of their friends, but that percentage increases to 50 when they commence living together. The result: His network is likely to be populated with more women after he moves in with her.

(Want more killer advice on how to meet women? Sign up for the Dudes’s Health Lady Next Door newsletter and have it delivered directly to your inbox.)

We’ll supply the fertile meeting grounds. You find the equivalents in your town, and the potential mates who gather there.

Dallas Sport and Social Club coed kickball

Team play encourages what sociologists call “situational generalization”—in other words, positive circumstances help people click. “When people are working toward a collective outcome, they’re more likely to grow closer together,” says Parks. Recreational garments make it effortless to form fresh connections because individuals can sign up and be assigned to a team without needing to know anyone.

ImprovBoston theatre spectacle classes

Sharing a funny practice can help reduce strain among strangers, according to a 2004 explore in Individual Relationships. And improv class will sharpen communications with everyone you encounter.

Durham Bulls Athletic Park (Durham, NC)

For the cost of a Yankees ticket (or less), you and your friends can each grab a multigame package featuring up to 13 MLB minor-league affiliates. Rooting for team sports can boost testosterone levels—yours as well as hers. And T is the libido hormone, so if your team wins, you both win. Attempt this: Split the cost of an extra package with your friends, and then take turns inviting someone fresh. It’ll expand your powerless ties, and the presence of friends creates a “celebrity effect” that can be as desirable as attraction or wealth.

Meetup volunteer groups

Selflessness is sexy. A 2008 examine published in the British Journal of Psychology demonstrated that women consider altruism more significant in a mate than studs do. To display your selfless stuff , attempt joining a Meetup volunteer group (volunteerism.meetup.com).This net work serves a multiplicity of causes, permits you to select groups with members who share your interests, and lets you see who has signed up for which projects.

Rule Two: Let Chaos Be Your Wingman

Less than 1 percent of women say they met their current fucking partner because they were neighbors, compared with 22 percent of women who say their man is from a different part of town.

When a team of two physicists and a human-network scientist tells you your life is bland, you know you’re in trouble.

Northeastern University researchers took their dig in a 2008 investigate in the journal Nature, after they tracked the movements of 100,000 cellphone users for 6 months. Their finding: People are predictable. Almost half of their human lab rats kept to a labyrinth that was little more than 6 miles broad, and 83 percent mostly stayed within a 37-mile radius. And they tended to spend the majority of their time in five or fewer places.

The result: dating pools the size of shot glasses.

In the United States, there’s an average of only seven single women inbetween the ages of 20 and 44 per square mile. Now consider your “catches sight of,” the places you usually go despite the presence of equivalent alternatives: your Starbucks, your bank branch, your dry cleaner, your gym, your grocery store. These are embedded destinations in other people’s travel itineraries, too, meaning they’re also their “catches sight of.” If everyone repeats their routines, as the Northeastern University research suggests, the rate at which you encounter fresh women plummets.

If you stick to a 6-mile orbit, your romantic trajectory is stunted as well. “In the stock market, diversification is critical to reducing risk,” says Amir Aczel, Ph.D., a former professor of mathematics and statistics at Bentley University near Boston and author of Chance. “In dating, the same rule applies. You should vary the places you go, and when you go there. This diversification will result in enhanced probability of meeting women who react well to you.”

Consider these tweaks to your routine.

Santa Monica Farmers’ Market

Bust out of supermarket hell to join the communal ambience of a farmers’ market, where you can tap into a spirit of sociability, exploration, and inquisitiveness. Engage her over the Asian pear gags, and she’ll thank you for the rest of her life. To find a market near you, go to localharvest.org.

Yelp.com’s Five million local reviews can lead you to a dry cleaner, cafe, barbershop, or bookstore where all the cool people go. Post your own reviews and you may meet a fellow critic. The social-networking functions of the site permit readers to exchange private messages, post public comments, and classify deserving reviews as funny, useful, or cool, so you can navigate them accordingly.

Waterloo Records (Austin, Texas)

Research suggests that people are more attracted to potential fucking partners who share their musical tastes. Itunes has revolutionized the music landscape, but for many sultry music paramours it can’t substitute the places like Waterloo and the 700 other independent record stores across the country. Go to recordstoreday.com to find a shop near you.

Researchers note that shopping trips are fueled by social motives, including the desire for fresh communal practices. Big-box stores are socially fertile: More than Ten million people pass through Ikea every week, and U.S. consumers spend an average of Two to Three hours each visit. And at Ikea, traffic moves one way, creating a natural movement and pacing that makes it effortless to stroll and engage. Think about store or mall flow the next time you’re shopping, and patronize catches sight of, like the Apple store, that make kibitzing part of the practice. If you’re the active type, L.L. Bean or REI might be a better bet.

Rule Trio: Use Spare Time As Showtime

Approximately one-fifth of couples very first met in public places. But as available free time plummets, you may not get out enough.

You’re just about as likely to meet a woman during Sunday service at church as you are during “Sexy Saturday” at a club. The takeaway isn’t that you need to find God to find a woman. You simply need to be with people, wherever they may gather.

Your time to do that is shrinking, according to a 2008 Harris Interactive poll. Americans have just 16 hours a week—down 20 percent from 2007—that are all theirs. With leisure time scarce, many fellows make the mistake of blocking off a weekend night for dating, says Paul Dobransky, M.D., a Chicago psychiatrist who trains studs how to land any woman they want (check out a day in his life by clicking here). “Their lack of success is due to their hyperfocused treatment,” says Dr. Dobransky. “They see meeting women as something that is done rather than something that naturally happens, which is the way women view it.”

The single women are waiting, but they’re not doing it in front of an LCD screen, where you’re more likely to be most nights. On any given day, more women attend or host social events, volunteer, join religious functions, practice hobbies, or go shopping, while the average single stud is home, pitifully alone. Compared with single women, single guys spend 45 minutes more a day watching TV and about 20 minutes more on the computer.

It’s a remarkably detrimental decision. A 2008 explore in Social Indicators Research exposes that unhappy people witness 30 percent more TV every day than very blessed people. “It’s possible that TV causes people to be unhappy because it thrusts aside time for activities with long-term benefits,” says probe author John Robinson, Ph.D., a professor of sociology at the University of Maryland and director of the Americans’ Use of Time Project. “Or TV viewing is an outlet for people who are already unhappy.”

Whatever the case, the consequences are clear: If you shut down socially during the week, you’re severely undermining your efforts and individual satisfaction. You’ll have more success with women if you aim to collect practices rather than phone numbers. Consider these connection points.

Very first Fridays at the Natural History Museum of Los Angeles County

In a 2008 University of Iowa survey, women ranked a man’s intelligence and education higher than his good looks and financial prospects. On the very first Friday of the month, stuffy cultural mainstays unbutton their starched shirts a bit, suggesting gallery tours, cocktails, hors d’oeuvres, and music.

Movies in the Parks (Chicago)

In the summer, the park district invites citizens to pull up a blanket and see movies. The air is warm with conviviality. Many cities suggest similar programs. If yours doesn’t, volunteer to begin one, and meet artsy types and wealthy sponsors as you set it up.

Mile High Music Festival

“The rhythmic pulse of music lets listeners synchronize with one another, which can increase group cohesion,” says Michael Cunningham, Ph. D., a psychologist and professor of communication at the University of Louisville. Concerts are good, but music festivals attract a more diverse crowd because of the different acts, and transcend the behavioral norms of everyday life. Visit festivalfinder.com for events near you.

Philadelphia Punk Rock Flea Market

Odd? Sure, and that’s the point. If you want to meet interesting people, you need to do interesting things.

Bank of America Chicago Marathon

No, she’s not waiting for you at mile marker Nineteen. The real appeal here is the free training program held several days a week. Studies display that when we anticipate future practices with someone, we concentrate on that person’s positive qualities to better ensure that those upcoming practices will be pleasant ones. Go to marathonguide.com for a list of races near you. No training program? Join a local running club.

(Want more killer advice on how to meet women? Sign up for the Fellows’s Health Dame Next Door newsletter and have it delivered directly to your inbox.)

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